Things That Are Not Based In Reality #1 – Toilet Seat Wars

Where did this whole toilet seat war come from? I swear it’s only an issue that’s cropped up in the last year or so.

If you’ve missed the drama because you’ve been too busy having an actual life, the issue is – she wants the seat down (for comfort, warmth and the prevention of inadvertently sitting on drops of his pee). He wants it up (for ease of hitting the porcelain).

Up. Down. Clearly the twain shall never meet.

Apparently it’s much too difficult for him to lift up. And much too difficult for her to put down. When did the toilet seat get so heavy and cumbersome? Do we all need to hire weightlifters to do the job for us? “I’m sorry, I’d do it myself but my arms are too spindly and weak to move this featherweight bit of plastic a couple of inches.”

I have lived with men all my life – first my father and brother, and now my partner and, this is not a word of a lie, there has never, ever been an issue with the position of the seat. Not once in all my years has it been the source of a casual conversation, a dinner table discussion or fodder during an argument. Except for suddenly being bombarded with it a while ago via all manner of media, I never knew it was something that was worthy of comment.

And why only now? Toilets have been around for quite a while, sitting quietly, minding their own business (and yours).

I reckon the ‘issue’ was made into a big deal in a movie or a TV show. Some writer was trying to think of some kind of gender conflict for the purposes of the story and decided the loo would do. Somehow it escaped the celluloid, made its way into the real world, and took on a life of its own. So now we have to live with men and women abusing each other over the position of a seat.

Nope, the war of the toilet seat is not based in reality. It’s a made up issue that should have remained in the fake world of ‘entertainment’ (and I use the term loosely!)

Who should clean the toilet? Now there’s your real war!

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